By Katie Leikam, LCSW, LISW-CP, BC-TMH
It’s later in the evening and your partner is working late. You are bored and your mind starts to wonder. Suddenly, you have worked yourself up that there’s something wrong in your relationship and you reach out to text them. Fighting happens, either over text, or over the phone and you feel incredibly worse off now than you did earlier in the night. Does this pattern sound familiar? Is it happening too much? Are you ready to really trust your partner and bring happiness back to your relationship and stop fighting so much?
Intimate relationships can be some of the hardest interactions we have in our lives because you are putting yourself on the line and really opening yourself to venerability and you are doing this with another person. In the LGBTQIA community of Atlanta, sometimes it’s uncommon to even in a relationship and sometimes you may find that people are afraid to make the commitment to the relationship, so when it does happen, you want it to last and you want it to be healthy and good for you.
So, how can you help your relationship to last? How can you stop the once a week fighting or the mistrust and accusations that are flying every so often?
Take a Step Back:
Ask yourself if you are ready to be in a relationship. Have you healed yourself first? Have you processed your previous relationship so that you aren’t attributing your previous partners actions to your current partner? If you can’t answer yes to this question, it might be time to seek the help of a therapist. If you haven’t healed from your last relationship and you are carrying around the burdens from it, it’s going to be difficult to connect with your current partner now.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate- But then don’t.
Yes, it’s best to communicate with your partner. Yes, it’s best to keep the lines of communication open. I recommend being open and honest with your partner. But maybe you have stuff that you really need to process on a deeper level that may be detrimental to your relationship if you bring it up now. Maybe you have trust issues or feel insecure about yourself and it would be best to work it out in therapy. Find the right combination of being open and honest with your partner and sharing and processing your previous experiences with a therapist. It’s an art to learn how and when to do this, but a good, trusted therapist can help.
Be Open to Feedback
Be open to really hearing what your partner is telling you and their reactions to your behavior, worried and fears. Listen to them and ask yourself if they need space or if you need space and then seek out a safe space to process your relationship with a trusted clinician. Finding a safe space to process the feedback you get from your partner can be a great way to grow your relationship with your partner.
Therapy, either couples counseling or individual therapy to work on yourself, can help give you direction in your relationship. We have skilled, trusted relationship experts here at True You Southeast to help you process your relationship and move to the level of trust you want inside your relationship with your partner. We can help you. You can reach us at 404-800-7586 or contact us here.